I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
