walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
