the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
