Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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