Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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