New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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