its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
