Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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