i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
