she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
