well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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