so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
