as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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