I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
