Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
