The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
