I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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