We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
