Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
