I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i've created a new STD.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
