i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
