it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
