there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
True but thats because hes a fetus.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
