Plan B is the new Plan A
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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