I'm going to jail i love you
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
