You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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