don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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