I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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