i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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