Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
