I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
