I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
