quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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