All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
