Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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