Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
