wanna go halves on a baby?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
