Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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