What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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