I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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