im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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