she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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