When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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