I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
