Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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