Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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