Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
