did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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