singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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