I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
