you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
4 words: hood of his car
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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