i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
