so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You're a waste of cheezeits
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
