Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
